Yesterday I found myself wanting to bang my head against a brick wall. Why, you might ask? If you're my friend, you should be asking "Why the hell would you consider such a silly act of violence?" because any normal... sane person wouldn't opt to do that if nothing had sent them wanting to jump off a cliff. I did mention earlier that this journey was going to be a process, right? I distinctly remember at least telling you this could be an ugly state of affairs. Consider yourself warned...
The first attack came from my ex-husband who seems to have a bi-polar personality because in one breadth (or text message for those of you that are technologically present in 2011) he indicates that he knows our marriage was a total bust, he's sorry for being a jackass and for his inability to make me happy - all with maturity, dignity and some sense of poise, and then as if he has had an aneurysm or stroke he loses his mind. He demands to know what I am doing at various hours of the day, why I don't answer the phone, and stalking me on the joint bank account we still have (don't get me started on the bank account, but that shit is going down real quick). As I watched him while he asked me all these ridiculous questions it was as if I was watching a documentary of someone who had escaped from the local mental hospital. The only thing missing was the straight jacket and if I would have had one laying around...I would have slapped in on him, grabbed the camera and a snack while watching the crazy unfold. Pure confusion filled my entire body as I continued to watch him spew out these 20 questions and the only thing that I could get to come out of my mouth, initially, was..."Excuse me?" The fact that he had the audacity to demand an answer to any question aside from - how are you liking the weather today seemed so ridiculous I could barely bring myself to form a cohesive sentence.
Where are the fact sheets that provide insight to the recently divorced regarding the AWOL roller coaster of emotions you will soon find yourself on? Who is in charge of writing that? Anyone? Well, apparently not because I didn't get one, and after my ex's mental breakdown... it's obvious he received no literature either. On any given day I find myself filled with a wide array of emotions: joy, sadness, anger, happiness, etc... but nothing prepares you for personal jabs/digs from the court of public opinion (i.e. people who have something to say, but are oblivious to the fact that you don't give a shit). My favorite type of person throughout this process is the person who thinks that my divorce is somehow about them. News flash, my divorce is about me...
Although my Monday was a rather nightmarish day, it's the simple things that remind me that this life is mine... and I am in charge of making it what I wish (i.e. a sweet text message from a friend in the morning, one of my most dear friends' email that asked if I invested in a "cool your jets" tshirt yet, and a slumber party with one of my best friends). I'm not following any one's rules, insights, guidance or anything else for that matter. After the weekend, and the few disasters that crossed my path in the past few days, my outlook has changed slightly, but nothing that will surprise anyone - I'm still entirely in love with my decision to be where I am today, and if nothing else my mentality last night was... "tomorrow is a new day... and I swear to God if it's any worse that today I will find that brick wall, immediately". ;)
The first attack came from my ex-husband who seems to have a bi-polar personality because in one breadth (or text message for those of you that are technologically present in 2011) he indicates that he knows our marriage was a total bust, he's sorry for being a jackass and for his inability to make me happy - all with maturity, dignity and some sense of poise, and then as if he has had an aneurysm or stroke he loses his mind. He demands to know what I am doing at various hours of the day, why I don't answer the phone, and stalking me on the joint bank account we still have (don't get me started on the bank account, but that shit is going down real quick). As I watched him while he asked me all these ridiculous questions it was as if I was watching a documentary of someone who had escaped from the local mental hospital. The only thing missing was the straight jacket and if I would have had one laying around...I would have slapped in on him, grabbed the camera and a snack while watching the crazy unfold. Pure confusion filled my entire body as I continued to watch him spew out these 20 questions and the only thing that I could get to come out of my mouth, initially, was..."Excuse me?" The fact that he had the audacity to demand an answer to any question aside from - how are you liking the weather today seemed so ridiculous I could barely bring myself to form a cohesive sentence.
Where are the fact sheets that provide insight to the recently divorced regarding the AWOL roller coaster of emotions you will soon find yourself on? Who is in charge of writing that? Anyone? Well, apparently not because I didn't get one, and after my ex's mental breakdown... it's obvious he received no literature either. On any given day I find myself filled with a wide array of emotions: joy, sadness, anger, happiness, etc... but nothing prepares you for personal jabs/digs from the court of public opinion (i.e. people who have something to say, but are oblivious to the fact that you don't give a shit). My favorite type of person throughout this process is the person who thinks that my divorce is somehow about them. News flash, my divorce is about me...
Although my Monday was a rather nightmarish day, it's the simple things that remind me that this life is mine... and I am in charge of making it what I wish (i.e. a sweet text message from a friend in the morning, one of my most dear friends' email that asked if I invested in a "cool your jets" tshirt yet, and a slumber party with one of my best friends). I'm not following any one's rules, insights, guidance or anything else for that matter. After the weekend, and the few disasters that crossed my path in the past few days, my outlook has changed slightly, but nothing that will surprise anyone - I'm still entirely in love with my decision to be where I am today, and if nothing else my mentality last night was... "tomorrow is a new day... and I swear to God if it's any worse that today I will find that brick wall, immediately". ;)
That's all for now... I'm one day closer to 30 and still searching for the clarity that will make that day and the days after meaningful, fulfilling and enriched. Wish me luck... Ciao!
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