I have been blessed with an incredibly outgoing, charismatic (or so I think) personality so meeting new people and getting to know them has never been a struggle for me; nevertheless there is a laundry list of other things that I tend to be mildly miserable at. I don't plan to throw myself completely under the bus here, but everyone has their own rules/ideas about dating and I swear... I need a general handbook. What I do know is that my standards and expectations are high and it takes effort to keep me interested which is becoming overwhelmingly apparent. A friend of mine, who I actually look at as more of a sister gave some advice not too long ago that I have kept with me (I'm actually thinking it wouldn't be a bad idea to tattoo it all the way up my arm so that its visible at all time because it's THAT good. Right, a post-in note on my desk would be equally impactful - good point). She said, "have fun until it's not fun anymore... and when it's not fun then move on". Well Dear Jesus, that sounds simple enough.
This idea of getting to know someone sounds so simple - whether or not there's a label of "we're dating", "you're not single", "we're not going out to dinner with other people" or not the complexity of actually learning and understanding someone else's quirks, triggers, communication and relationship styles and simply deciding whether or not it matches or compliments you as a person is downright exhausting and can be somewhat of a shit show. It's the truth... for those of you who are, again... seeing sunshine and roses - perhaps you should be setting me up with someone you know or someone in your family because it seems as though "easy" is not the descriptor I would use here. Although I find myself attempting to navigate the "process" I do thoroughly enjoy knowing that the choices I make are mine and that happiness is a beautiful thing that I cherish. Meeting new people, spending time with someone incredible and learning things about myself that I hadn't had the chance to do before are all amazing things that come out of this.
While on a much needed nature walk around the lake in Minneapolis with one of my very best friends all sorts of clarity came flooding over me (things like: WTH are you doing? Why are you over analyzing every thing? What are you searching for a "label" you don't even want? Why have you taken on this form of crazy that you despise?...and a series of others). The weather was beautiful, the company was much needed and my hangover from the celebratory night before was at bay... so all things considered it was perfection. There is something incredibly refreshing about spending time with someone who knows the original you. There's this peacefulness that comes over me when I can talk about what's going on in my life without feeling like I'm being judged or I'm going to get an earful or insight that I don't want, didn't ask for and actually don't need. She just allows me to spill my guts and then attempts to put the pieces back together after I've nearly completely fallen apart, feel exhausted from talking and trying to explain how I got to where I was at that moment...in my head, but then she can so easily make sense of the situation. She asks the right questions, doesn't get worked up, and certainly doesn't force any of her opinions on me. Her first piece of advice... "we need to find that Cool Your Jets t-shirt w/ Bart Simpson on it... and when you are feeling overwhelmed - just wear that." She's one smart cookie! There's a reason that I only made it one year at college 5 hours away from her.
I did realize recently - ok, so today... that perhaps my need to control everything is probably hurting this process more than helping it; however, figuring out how to let go of that is going to be quite the journey. I'm trying to pretend that I've mellowed out a little bit, but I'm not sure anyone is buying it. I thought I was for a minute, but no... must. try. harder! :) It's amazing... just when I'm stressed, wanting a sign or needing someone or something to point me in the right direction I come across just the insight I need.
It's messages like this that remind me why I should be excited about the process, and less focused on attempting to exercise control on issues/situations that are not my own. Everything works it self out and happens for a reason, right? For the love of God... just say yes! :)
Until next time... xoxo
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